Sunday, October 14, 2012

Following the Call of My Heart

When was the last time you did or said something, gave to someone, offered something, prayed or hoped for someone without expecting anything in return? 

Gut-flinching nagging

It’s like a low-grade fever. It is a dull headache that seems to not go away. It’s the annoying feeling that you might be getting a sore throat, but it never fully develops so you don’t actually know.

That’s how I describe the nagging feeling that something isn’t right. 

Did I leave the curling iron on?

Did my rent check get mailed?

Do I have enough money in the bank?

Does [insert name here] know I love them today?

I know the difference when the nagging feeling comes out of selfishness. 

That kind of nagging is much more of a resounding thunder clap that I’d prefer to duck to avoid. I want to avoid it because my guilt is driving my decisions and my choices. 

Is it really humanly possible to give of ourselves without occasionally feeling taken advantage of? 

If it’s not, then why do we feel guilty when we suddenly wonder why that person we’ve given to hasn’t responded, reciprocated, or even acknowledged the heart we put into the matter? 

As a Christian, our God is one who gave His only son so that we could have eternal life. He knows all about us! He knows every sin we’ve ever committed and each one we have yet to make, He knows our griefs, our joys, and our hopes - however lopsided they might be. He knows all these things and He keeps giving and He loves us anyway. 

Do, Say, Give, Offer and Pray anyway. 

I believe and practice the following:

I will give with wild abandon and follow the call of my heart to go above and beyond for some, offer what I can to others, pray for even more, and have hope for all. 

I will do all these things knowing full well that by just being human, I will catch myself at least once, or maybe twice, wondering if it had any impact. Yet, while I wonder, I will also know with all my heart there is an impact and there will always be one until the day I don’t believe there is anymore. I pray that never happens. 

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